Humor
Cessna G-XXXX
Controller: Cessna G-XXXX, What are your intentions? Cessna: To get my Commercial Pilot's License, and Instrument Rating. Controller: I meant in the next five minutes not years.
Oscar?
Pilot: "Norfolk Approach, N1234, VFR, 2,000 ft, landing Norfolk." Approach: "Do you have Oscar?" Pilot: "I have a passenger with me, but his name is Randy."
Vat ees deez hoorse's shoo? :)
Ground: Aeroflot 304 pushback into lane 2, tail right. Caution aircraft entering the horseshoe (a part of T3). AFL304: Vat ees deez hoorse's shoo?
A340 of course
Controller: "FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?" Pilot: "A340 of course!" Controller: "Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me a 1000...
Mexicana 809
Tower: Mexicana 809, can you take 27L instead of 22L. Mexicana 809: Yes we can. Tower: Great. Mexicana 809. Taxi D3, M, M6 in front of American 757. Mexicana 809: Roger, D3, M, M6 in front of...
US-Airforce C-130
US-Airforce C-130: TWR tell 747 in front of us to call us on 123.45 TWR: XX777 would you mind calling C-130 on 123.45? xx777: Sorry TWR, we do not talk on 123.45, we are professional...
Speedbird 206
Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt. Speedbird 206 clear of active." Ground: "Good Morning. Taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops. Ground:...
A DC-10
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San,Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the...
American 123
American 123 - Uh tower, what's the wind? JFK Tower - A parcel of air moving across the surface of the earth, but that's not important right now, wind is 270 at 10.
Russia 9001
OSL ATC: "Russia 9001 you are cleared the approach to runway 01L, this will save you some taxitime" RUS9001: "Okay, cleared ILS for 01L, Russia 9001" (Typical Russian accent) DLH3130:...
British Airways flight
British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal. Control Tower replies: "And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?"
Alitalia 345
ATC: Alitalia 345 continue taxi holding position 26 South via Tango check for workers along taxiway AZA: Ali345 Taxi 26 Left a via Tango. Workers checked - all are working
Halifax Terminal
ARN851: "Halifax Terminal, Nova 851 with you out of 13,000 for 10,000, requesting runway 15." Halifax Terminal (female): "Nova 851 Halifax, the last time I gave a pilot what he wanted I was on...
727 pilot
727 pilot: "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Controller: "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
Barnburner 123
BB: "Barnburner 123, Request 8300 feet." Bay Approach: "Barnburner 123, say reason for requested altitude." BB: "Because the last 2 times I've been at 8500, I've nearly been run over by some bozo...
Good morning, Frankfurt ground
Pilot: "Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please." Tower: "KLM 242 expect start up in two hours." Pilot: "Please confirm: two hours delay?" Tower:...
a list of engineer
a list of engineer's responses to reports of technical problems : Report: Autoland a bit hard. Engineer: Aircraft not fitted with autoland. Report: Engine #2 seeping prop fluid. Engineer:...
Cherokee 180
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some...
Pan Am 747
Allegedly,a Pan Am 747 flight waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following: Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?" Ground (in English): "If you want an...
Clipper 655
Contr.: Clipper 655 make an orbit to the left. Capt.: Do you realize it costs 500 Dollar ever time we turn this aircraft through 180 degrees ? Contr.: Well, give me 1000 dollar turn then.
United 103, descend to FL 290
Contr.: United 103, descend to FL 290. Pilot: Roger, leaving FL 330 for FL 290, what is the reason for that ? Contr.: It's due to noise abatement. Pilot: For noise abatement ? We are cruising at...
pilot
pilot: what is my distance to the preceding aircraft ? Twr: would you believe three miles ?
Speedbird 206
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt. Speed bird 206, clear of the active runway." Ground: "Guten morgen! You will taxi to your gate!" The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main...
Lufthansa 747
This was a conversation between Sydney ATC, an RAAF hercules and a Lufthansa 747 preparing for take off at "kingsford Smith' Sydney. (RAAF Hercules) Lufthansa Flight 104 please contact RAAF...
How far behind
"How far behind traffic are we?" "Three miles." "That doesn't look like three miles to us!" "You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you...that's three miles.!
USair 535
Control: USair 535 turn right heading 090 Control: USair 535 turn right heading 090 Control: USair 535, you are just like my wife, you never listen USair 353: well sir if you called her by her...
N1234
Pilot: "Norfolk Approach, N1234, VFR, 2,000 ft, landing Norfolk." Approach: "Do you have Oscar?" Pilot: "I have a passenger with me, but his name is Randy."
Tower, 257
257, Do you have Charlie? Tower, 257, Negative, we left him back at the hanger! 257, Do you have Echo? Tower, 257, Negative, recieving you loud and clear! 257, Do you have Hotel? Tower,...
Speedbird 116
App: Speedbird 116 Fly Heading 160 for spacing BA116: Approach, what's the reason for the delay...we were told to expect a straight in!! App: errr...noise abatement BA116: Noise abatement?? But...
Heathrow Centre
BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723 HC: British Airways Speedbird Flight 723, Heathrow Centre, go ahead BOAC: Heathrow Centre, British Airways Speedbird Flight 723 has a...
Hello flight 56
"Hello flight 56, if you here me, rock your wings". "OK Tower, if you hear me, rock the Tower!"
Airways Magazine
These courtesy of Airways Magazine: Heard @ Belgrade: Aircraft: Tower, Swissair four-five-five. Could you tell us the name of that beautiful flower near the taxiway? Tower: Could you say again,...
Washington D.C
Washington D.C., Clearance Delivery: "GAF269, you are cleared to destination Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM do not pass BOM at...
Murphy
If it's a quiet night and only two planes are inbound to land, they'll arrive at the same time. If one is late but on final, the other will be ready for departure. If there is a storm nearby, it...
FUNNY ATC DIALOGUES
Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f***ing bored!". Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!! Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"
